At
the end of a year of bereavements I have been thinking about death, and
hand in hand with death what any person’s life means. There is a story
that an old man once when asked if his life was a failure, responded, “I
haven’t finished yet!”. In NLP we say that, “There is no failure, only
unforeseen outcomes.” How do we evaluate a life? Some yogis and Zen
masters apparently try to depart the world leaving no trace of ever
having been here, but I don’t believe any of us can avoid leaving
footsteps in the sand,
From
the moment we are conceived we start impacting the lives of those
around us. We may think we have done very little, but by virtue of
living we fill many roles. I am a husband, son, grandson, brother,
father, grandfather, worker etc. and I have been many things, trades
unionist, trainer, massage therapist, telephone manager, so many roles
over so many years. I am not one man and I relate to my world in so many
ways and impact it in so many ways, many of which are entirely
unintentional. My world impacts me differently in my different roles. I
am not sure what success is really, but when my granddaughter makes me
howl with laughter, and lifts my whole day, is that not success, and is
that not enough? Who can say anyone is a failure, we do not know enough
about anyone to say.
I
think it might be fair to say for most of us our impact on the world is
not always positive or, rather, that not everyone perceives us
positively. Most of us are an amalgam of positive and negative with the
balance generally on the positive. There are some like Jimmy Saville who
did so much good he was revered as some kind of a saint ,until details
of his abuse of young people was revealed and he was reviled as a devil.
Most of us are not composed of such extremes but each of us is a
mixture of light and dark. It is also true that different people have
different positives, thus a politician may be seen as a saviour by some
and an oppressor by others because of the same actions.
And
who is it that defines what is success? An actor may leave behind both a
glittering career and a string of broken marriages, is he a success or a
failure? What matters more, what we have or who we are? Who is the
greater success, the person who overcomes severe disability to lead a
normal life or the winner of a TV talent show who goes on to compete in
I’m a Celebrity? What is it that gives our lives meaning?
I
believe that any life that positively impacts the lives of others is a
success, however great or slight that impact. Some people like Anthony
Nolan have changed the world merely by having lived, and Stephen
Lawrence by having died. By any measure of our shallow contemporary
world, Jesus (topical reference for December!) was, when he died, an
abject failure; although personally I consider anyone with twelve
friends a success. There is a story that one character on being asked
whether he had any spare change responded, “I don’t know, I’m not dead
yet”. So how can anyone be called a failure until they have finished? If
even then sometimes, like Oskar Schindler it may be some time after
we’ve gone before we are recognised. Best not to assume anyone is a
failure, you don’t know what may yet come to light. Best not to consider
yourself a failure, you do not know the impact you have had on
everyone. Better still just live your life to the utmost and let it go
without worrying about man made concepts like success.
